I can't believe it!

"Those Eyes"

 I still CAN'T BELIEVE he is gone. I woke up this morning and saw the blown up canvas picture next to my bed of my precious boy staring back at me. His bright blue eyes pierced right into my soul. It made my stomach wrench as I doubled over in pain, physical and emotional pain. I began to sob deeply, yet quietly as I could so my sleeping children wouldn't wake up and hear me falling apart. How can it be possible, how could 7 weeks have really  passed so quickly. Yet have it also seem like a lifetime ago since I received his last embrace and felt his curly golden locks leaning on my shoulder. Those Eyes... those amazingly captivating eyes that pull me in every time I look at them. I long to be able to stare into them, one more time, and have my heart feel whole and my spirits lifted. I wish I had the opportunity to say goodbye. I pray each day that somehow I will get that opportunity to see him one last time, to hug him and tell him how deeply I love him. To be able to say a real goodbye would do my heart and soul so much good.

Totally "GQ"

I know "I WILL" see him again. I have a pure, unwavering faith in God. I know he is there, that he knows me personally, and He is ACTIVE in the fine details of my life. I know there is life after this life. It gets me through the ticking hands of time to know I will see him again, when my time on this earth is done. Even though I have these things helping me get through, it doesn't erase the ache and hurt and deep sorrow of a Mother loosing her child, her first born. Still I wonder... is he really gone? Am I going to wake tomorrow to find out it was all just a bad dream? I would be so happy to wake tomorrow and find it was all a nightmare, a horrible terrible nightmare that is now OVER!!! Look at his Beautiful Face. He emulates and exudes goodness, beauty, and light. How can something, someone, so real, so kind and radiant truly be gone. I can't believe it...no... I'm not ready to accept it... Maybe tomorrow I will think about that, Maybe? .... but I can't and don't need to... not today anyway!