Headstone

Comfort from a child

I was totally unprepared for the overwhelming feelings that came over me when I went to the cemetery today and found Terik's headstone there. It looks beautiful and I am very pleased with the way it turned out. It was actually even more beautiful then I had even envisioned. But the finality of what that Headstone represents was so painful to my soul that I felt like I was being torn in two. The Picture of my son, of his artwork,

Terik's gifted hands. Art, music, snowboarding, & one of his paintings.

of his hands, and of our family are permanently etched into that granite. It feels more real, in this moment, then it has ever felt before. I don't want it to feel real, I don't want it to be real.  I have no words to express the way I am feeling. I do not know what to write other than I am totally devastated. My sons earthly remains lay beneath that memorial. It's not fair and it's not right.

    

What a Precious Gem

Trevin asked me, as I lay on the wet grass bawling... "Why are you crying Mommy". I couldn't answer so Troy replied for me, "She misses Terik". Trevin said back, "I miss Terik too".  I enveloped my baby boy, my precious little 3 year old, in my broken aching arms. I told him how much I loved him. I soaked him in. I recognized that I was trying to let him take the place of Terik. This could never happen, this will never be so, for no one could ever take the place in my heart or in my life that Terik filled. Trevin has his own place there also, that can not be replaced by anyone else. I cradled Trevs and said "what would I ever do without you". I remember thinking and saying the same thing, may times, about Terik. He is a special part of me. He left a deep impression on my heart that will never be replaced, just as this granite headstone has a permanent etching of him on it that will never be removed. Honestly speaking though, I wouldn't want it any other way! I do not want him to ever be replaced. He belongs there, in my heart!!!